23 year old waitress with a severe case of wanderlust and FOMO. No known cure. Addicted to laughing, long term lover of the boy who grew up in the cupboard under the stairs, musical theatre fanatic with the painful affliction of a terrible singing voice, long suffering glee fan, recent shameless band-wagoner of Sherlock, and for my sins, a Supernatural fan. Also a lover of red wine, good friends, travelling, spontaneous adventures, new places, writing, reading and anything velvet. Life's better when you're laughing.
This might not get posted, and if it does I’m almost certain no one will read it. But that’s ok, it’s more for me than for any of you, though if one person connects with it or has ever felt the same, please drop me a note.
The last two years of my life have been about regrowth. About patching up what I broke and pulling myself out of what I can only describe as a pretty severe bought of depression I became an expert at hiding. There’s no need to go into details about how I fucked up my life, but I managed to piece it back together.
I managed to do that with the aid of a minimum wage paying job and the amazing group of people that came with said job. For the past two years I’ve stayed there, because the company is incredible and the people are my family.
I’ve only just begun to feel the itch of leaving, because I’ve needed this time. These years to find my confidence again, to regain everything I lost in the bad years. So it didn’t occur to me to change anything until now because just getting better was all that mattered to me.
I’m almost totally better now, and beginning to feel lost.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life. Well, I know what I want. I want to travel everywhere and marry someone I love and go back to college and learn something new and work behind a bar in a musty village pub and live in a big city and live abroad and watch all the films I’ve heard are great and read all the books I haven’t yet. I want to binge watch netflix, I want to try new things and I want to stay at my current job because they’re my family and I’m afraid of what happens when they’re not there to catch me anymore.
I know what I want but I don’t know where to start. I don’t know when to leave, whether to stay, to do something crazy or to settle back into education. I’m so confused.